Informing Your Partner of Your Decision to Divorce
by James
Walsh
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Every marriage develops problems, and people tackle them in the best possible manner they deem fit.
Any person, who has been through similar such situation would vouch that walking out of a relationship is one of the most poignant of situations.
Walking out of a Marital Relationship
If you have decided to divorce, it is evident that the decision was not reached overnight. Probably, the multitudes of difficulties endured during marital tenure, would have reinforced your resolve to divorce with each passing day.
You might have probably faced one of the following listed difficulties:
- Abusive spouse refuses to mend ways in spite of repeated pleadings or warnings
- Marital mate turns infidel and declines terminating the extramarital liaison
- Adulterous spouse might have ended the affair, but adultery-actuated loss of trust might have killed your marriage
- Your marriage might have gradually fallen apart, due to nil problems and zero communication with your spouse. It must have made life intolerably boring, turning marital intimacy non-existent.
- Any of the other personal reasons like substance abuse, monetary mishandling, anger mismanagement, etc.
Anyone of the above-mentioned reasons might have motivated you to terminate your marriage. This leads you to the next strenuous step of communicating your decision to your spouse and children.
Informing Decision to Divorce to Spouse and Children
One of my divorced friends grieved that her partner revealed his intention to divorce just when she was preparing for an important meeting. Needless to say, the acrimonious nature of her spouse not only spoilt her crucial meeting, but it also left her embittered for long.
Being angry with the marital partner for failure of the marriage is a natural feeling, but never make your divorce announcement at the wrong time to seek vengeance. Your act works like rubbing salt into the wound. The ensuing animosity permanently damages your relationship.
Before you communicate your aim, make a mental rehearsal of what you intend saying. Reveal just the requisite amount of information and take care not to enter into a verbal duel with your spouse; it serves no purpose. Inform your partner first, and together, both of you can inform your children.
Break the news to your children gently while repeatedly reassuring them of your love. Speak to them at least a fortnight before your divorce, for they need time to assimilate the information. It would be immensely cruel to catch them off guard. Explain the concise facts, sparing them a long introductory preamble.
While you prepare the mode of announcing the news, also be prepared to handle the reactions of your loved ones.
Handling Post-divorce Announcement Situation
Communicating the news properly would definitely not mitigate the pain; however, it would help clear any dormant misconceptions. When you are explaining to your children ask them how they feel about the situation. This would give you an opportunity to clear any doubts or mistaken beliefs of theirs. Children often feel that they are responsible for the divorce. You should dispel these mistaken notions of theirs.
When you inform your family members of your impending divorce, they would react in the most unexpected manner. Be prepared emotionally to hear their opinion about your decision - it might be most varied. If you have revealed more information than necessary, be prepared to face their anger. No one likes to hear the sordid details of a marital breakup.
Never blame yourself or your ex spouse for the situation. Divorce occurs due to the incompatibility between two people and it should never be viewed as a personal failure. No one person is responsible; for every person has their own shortcomings. Accusing your spouse would prove distressing for the children too.
Divorce would negatively incite you in the most unpredicted manner. It is necessary for you to process through these emotions quickly to relive a healthy life. The three stages of marital termination, the process of reaching the decision to divorce, breaking the news and finally leaving the spouse and children are the most difficult of situations. Tap in your own inner strength and support from friends and family.
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