Building a Strong Relationship and Keeping Divorce at Bay

Some find it hard to live up to the expectations and responsibilities of being married and err sooner or later. Others forget their own shortcomings and concentrate on every negative detail of a partner. At some point, instead of being partners united for a life together, they become sparring partners. The loving moments are forgotten and the failings long remembered.

The Burden of Expectations

Every person enters into matrimony with their own set of expectations. This is fair enough, except when it becomes unrealistic and threatens to weaken the marriage. A woman might imagine that her husband will continue to be romantic every day of their married life, just like during the days of courtship. However, with increasing responsibilities and a stressful career, it is simply not possible for a man to behave like a lover every single day. A man, on the other hand, might expect his wife to spend all her time devoted to the household. Again, this is an unrealistic expectation.

Sometimes, even the premise that the marriage is built on is threatened. A person might find himself or herself attracted to another person. This maybe a temporary distraction but it goes against the total commitment that marriage warrants. Another person might become so caught up in an advancing career that time for family is constantly cut short. There are others who imagine that a person will change overnight to suit their idea of a perfect partner. Even everyday issues can start off by being irritating and soon turn into full-blown problems.

One of the biggest problems with marriage is perhaps that with time, couples begin to take each other for granted. They stop appreciating each other and soon do not even communicate. This slowly builds a barrier between them and issues that arise cannot be resolved. At such a stage, when a partner behaves in a less than acceptable manner, it becomes hard to forgive and forget. Partners become angrier and hold on to the negative emotion. Things come to a boil and, soon, divorce becomes the only way out.

Forgiveness

It is ironic that we find it easier to forgive a stranger, rather than someone we are close to. Yet, if we want a relationship, especially a marriage to work, forgiveness must be a large part of how we react. To be forgiving does not mean one has to be a door mat and put up with abuse etc. One must be able to look at the bigger picture and if a spouse is truly apologetic about a misdemeanour, forgiveness can go a long way in saving the marriage.

Forgiveness includes communicating with each other and understanding each other’s actions. This can also be therapeutic and can make the marriage stronger than ever.

Forgetting

Forgiveness without forgetting is only half the job done. If one decides to overlook a partner’s indiscretion and give the marriage a second chance, it is important to learn from the incident and then put it behind completely. If one hangs on to the negative memory, there will always be a tinge of a negative emotion which will sooner or later spill over. For a marriage to work, it is absolutely important for two people to trust each other. If one does not forgive and forget, trust can never be rebuilt again. Without trust, the relationship will soon end up being two strangers living under one roof and divorce will come calling.

Conclusion

Marriage is full of ups and downs and when partners stick together through thick and thin, the relationship only becomes stronger. It is easy to give up on a marriage at the first sign of trouble. However, one should remember that even the next relationship one gets into will require effort and understanding. Therefore, it makes sense to make an effort from the heart to make a marriage work. Except in extreme situations, when the whole marriage is a sham and one is extremely unhappy, it is important to forgive and forget and hold on to a marriage.

Divorce is not always the answer to problems in a marriage. One must also take responsibility for one’s own faults and failings. If a spouse really matters and most aspects of a marriage are successful, to forgive and forget past quarrels is absolutely important. Further, holding on to anger only affects a person’s health adversely. We live once, and if we can put things in perspective, most things should fall in place, even a marriage!

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